Is Selfish a Dirty Word?

One of the biggest challenges people usually face is making decisions that are in their own best interest. Some believe that when they "put themselves first", "focus on their own interest", or "make a priority of their welfare", they are acting in an unacceptable way. They are acting selfishly.

By definition, selfish means concerned with one's own interest, benefits and welfare - regardless of others. Is there any surprise that the last thing people want to be labeled is the "s" word. The challenge comes in when we go too far on the other end of the spectrum - selfless. Giving in to the needs of everyone, everywhere, every time - regardless of your own priorities or what's best for you.

If you consistently ignore your own wants and needs for the sake of others, you can become resentful, bitter, and lose yourself. By continually allowing others to dictate how you spend your time, your energy and your resources, you may quickly find yourself completely drained. And the result? You have nothing left to give.

However, when you take care of yourself, investing in those things that make you happy, give you joy, that are important to you, and help you become your best person, it can be a win-win. You would have fostered fulfillment and satisfaction within yourself , while at the same time, allowing those around you to benefit from it. How? Because when you are at your best, you have more to give -and with a better attitude.

What are some ways you can begin the process of investing in you?

• Say no when necessary.
• Make your health a priority.
• Set aside time to focus on you.
• Spend time on your hobbies.

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Doreen Rainey is a Life Coach and Speaker who helps her clients Get RADICAL! Join her for her upcoming Get RADICAL Women's Retreat.  To find out more about all of her upcoming events, visit her website.

Your Calling Circle

I use to have a cell phone plan that only allowed me to call a certain group of people at no charge. The company called it my "calling circle". With a limited number of spots, I had to think carefully, and choose wisely, who I would let in.

Who would be worth my coveted free airtime? Family? Friends? A couple of coworkers? And I wasn't the only one making this type of decision. I knew other people who had the same type of plan. Would I make it into their calling circle? Have I fostered enough relationships to be worthy of someone else's talk time?

Fast forward a few years, and most of the plans now allow you to call anybody and everybody at any time. People no longer have to think about who to let in and who to exclude. That's what technology has done to us.

With so much access to people and information available in every possible form, we no longer have defined parameters of deciding who, or what, gets let into our "circle". We get emails from companies we don't remember signing up for. We get "friend requests" from people we barely knew years ago - or don't know at all. We have access to the Internet from just about anywhere. And we have hundreds of television and radio stations vying for our time and attention. No wonder it has become so challenging to manage our circle.

With a New Year just a week away, now might be the best time to become the gatekeeper of your circle again. To evaluate all the things that have infiltrated your circle - the good, the bad, and the complete time waster. Your circle is valuable space and should only be occupied by those people, and things, that contribute to your joy, fulfillment, peace and to the path that leads towards your family, personal, and career goals.

You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em

You got to know when to hold 'em,
know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away
And know when to run.

I love the lyrics from The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. At the end of every year, many people, including me, start thinking about and evaluating where they are in life.  They take stock of what they have accomplished and what they may want to be different in the upcoming year.  One of the best ways to do that is to follow Kenny's instructions!

You got to know when to hold ‘em:
What’s working well in your life? What is it in your relationships, career, business, or finances that’s worth holding on to? These are the things that make you happy, bring you joy, and keep you motivated to keep moving in a positive direction. These are the things you want more of in your life.  You want to hold on to the people, processes, and habits that are serving you well and giving you the results you want.

Know when to fold ‘em:
What do you need to just let go of? Is there something – or someone – in your life that you need to say “enough”? It can be hard, emotional, and challenging to release those things that bring you down, drain your energy, and cause you pain and suffering. Maybe it’s a job that’s no longer challenging.  Maybe it’s a client that has worn out their welcome. Maybe it’s a friendship that has run its course. Maybe it’s a habit that you have to break once and for all.

Know when to walk away:
I heard a woman say that when she started her business and got a couple of billion dollar companies as clients, everyone thought she’d reached the pinnacle of success. But while the money was good, the clients were wearing her - and her staff - out. So what did she do? She walked away from them and started working with new clients. And she is just as successful and has never looked back. Walking away can be one of the hardest things you will do, but it can also be the thing to give you your life back.

Know when to run:
Whether you run towards something or away from something, it can be an exhilarating experience. Know what you want out of life – and then be bold and courageous enough to run after it!

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Doreen Rainey is a Life Coach and Speaker who helps her clients Get RADICAL! For a FREE 30 day membership to the RADICAL Lifestyle Women's Network or to subscribe to her bi-weekly newsletter, visit her website. Join Doreen in the Washington, DC area for the 2010 Get RADICAL Women's Conference featuring Jillian Michaels, Fitness Trainer from The Biggest Loser and Rhonda Britten, Emmy Winner Life Coach from Starting Over and Celebrity Fit Club.

What If...

1.  What if you were an overweight kid - and am now one of the most recognizable fitness trainers in the country?

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4.  What if people looked at you and only saw beauty - but no brains - and now you're a top entertainment attorney teaching women how to excel in the boardroom?

5.  What if you were so focused on proving yourself and being an overachiever that you pushed yourself to accomplish incredible success, but wasn't enjoying the journey - only to now share with the world how to live a life of balance.

What if you attended an event that would inform, inspire, motivate and educate you to design the life you want - and also help you  become bold and courageous enough to make it happen?

What if you attended the 2010 Get RADICAL Women's Conference and gained success tools, strategies and insight from:

Woman #1:
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Woman #2:
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Woman #3:
Rhonda Britten, Emmy Winning Life Coach from the hit TV show Starting Over and Celebrity Fit Club

Woman #4:
Marshawn Evans, Miss America Finalist, Entertainment Attorney, author of SKIRTS in the Boardroom, and former contestant on The Apprentice

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What if...
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The Myth of Multi-Tasking

What are you working on?

I get asked this question a lot. From family, friends, and business associates. Each time I’m asked, I roll off a list of projects that I’ve either just started, am working on, or finishing up – sometimes up to 10 things. But a funny thing has been happening over the past several months. Whenever someone asks me that question, my answer has been the same. As in the same projects. They are all still in progress.

That led me to a startling realization. Nothing was complete. Done. Finished. Over with. In the can. Wrapped up.

How could that be? I haven’t been sitting around, twiddling my thumbs. Yet, months and months have gone by and I am still answering that question by rolling off the same list of projects. Is that possible? What is the problem? I feel like I should have been further along - if not done with some of these projects. Yet, I'm not.

Then, I took a look at the number of projects that were ongoing and tried to piece together the time I’d been spending working on each one. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that when I set aside time to work on something, I wasn’t really working only on it. I was checking email, answering calls, stopping to do a quick thing such as editing a letter or updating information on an upcoming teleclass or program, or getting sidetracked with “research” (which is a nice word for surfing the Internet!). In essence, I was multi-tasking.

Now, multitasking is a big buzz word that corporate America loves. Look at many job descriptions or job ads and you'll see that word as a descriptor of the type of person they are looking for. It means: doing more with less, getting it all done, able to handle a fast paced environment, doing many things at one time, or executing several task simultaneously.

And we have embraced this concept in all its glory.

Do you have multiple computer programs open at one time? Do you have multiple Internet pages open? Is your email always open and popping up a notify window when you receive a new message? Do you switch from project to project? Are you in meetings but working on something unrelated? Is your work constantly interrupted by people coming to your office, yet you keep working while talking to them? Do you talk on the phone while answering emails? Do you work on multiple projects during the same timeframe? Are you on a conference call or webinar and working on unrelated tasks?

These may seem like small things, but they can be very distracting and end up extending time on some projects versus saving time. And while you may get things done – they may not be done at its best, as you were not giving it your full attention.

That’s what has happened to me. While I’ve been so focused on accomplishing all my projects, I really should have been focused on finishing one project and then moving on to the next. What is my lesson learned?

Multi-tasking is a myth.

Why do I say that? Check out this quote from Dave Crenshaw:

When most people refer to multitasking they mean simultaneously performing two or more things that require mental effort and attention. Examples would include saying we’re spending time with family while were researching stocks online, attempting to listen to a CD and answering email at the same time, or pretending to listen to an employee while we are crunching the numbers. What most people refer to as multitasking, I refer to as ’switchtasking.’ Why?

Because the truth is we really cannot do two things at the same time - we are only one person with only one brain. Neurologically speaking, it has been proven to be impossible. What we are really doing is switching back and forth between two tasks rapidly, typing here, paying attention there, checking our ‘crackberry’ here, answering voicemail there back and forth back and forth at a high rate. Keep this up over a long period of time, and you have deeply ingrained habits that cause stress and anxiety and dropped responsibilities and a myriad of productivity & focus problems. It’s little wonder so many people complain of increasingly short attention spans!

Who is this man? He’s the author of The Myth of Multitasking. And I think he’s on to something. I’m going to be incorporating his strategies into the way I manage my work. That way, when someone asks me “What are you working on?” My list will be extremely short. And it will constantly change – because my projects are now being completed.

The Myth of Multitasking: How "Doing It All" Gets Nothing Done