How Do You Handle the Heat?

It was June. It was Las Vegas. And it was HOT!!

Several years ago, I took a trip to Sin City to spend 48 hours with a speaking coach. But not just any speaking coach. This was Patricia Fripp. She has coached and trained speakers around the world and Meetings and Conventions Magazine calls her, "One of the 10 most electrifying speakers in North America". You know what I call her? One of the most terrifying speaking coaches in North America!

I'd been in the audience several times when she gave presentations about the art of speaking. Obviously, she was an outstanding speaker, but what I really loved about her was her honesty, frankness and candor as she talked about the skills it takes to be a great speaker. She emphasized the fact that you not only have to have the knowledge and information for solid content, but you have to be able to deliver it in a way that can hold the attention of the listener, and make them remember you - and what you said - long after your speech is over.

Impressed, I decided to take the trip to Vegas to spend some personal time with her. I am a firm believer that no matter what your profession, you should want to get around people who are the best at it and this was my opportunity. She was offering one-on-one coaching for a very small group of people and I jumped at the chance.

The process was simple. I would send her the outline of one of my speeches in advance, show up, present about 10 minutes of it in front of her, get her feedback, rework my speech that night incorporating her suggestions, and then present it again to her the next day.

I think that one of the biggest hindrances to people stepping out of their comfort zone and putting themselves "out there" is the fear of criticism.

• What if they don't like it?" (whoever they are)
• What if I fail?
• What will they think about me?
• What will they say about me?
• What if I make a fool of myself?
• What if they laugh?
• What if I'm wrong?

And you know what? People won't like it. Not only will some people not like it, they will not be shy about telling you they don't like it and why. But if you want to be great - you've got to be ready for it. The good news is, criticism, when considered without emotions attached to it, can lead you to grow, develop, and become better at what you are trying to do.

Just think of any well known person. For the hundreds, thousands, or millions of people who admire, look up to, think highly of, respect, or hold them in high regard, there are probably just as many people who don't like them, don't respect them, and don't hold them in high regard.

Don't believe me? Think of someone you admire. Now google their name. There's a 99% chance you'll find something negative about them. As a matter of fact, there are entire blogs dedicated to criticizing certain people.

But the key is not to let the negativity stop you. I believe you should consider the criticism to see if it's valid, and if it is, make the necessary adjustments. But if it's not valid, you have got to be able to get over it, forget it and move on.

Now, back to Vegas!

There are 6 people in this coaching session and the few people that go ahead of me, while pretty good speakers, were completely picked apart by Patricia. Being no fool, I paid close attention to the feedback Patricia was giving and made mental adjustments in my head to make my presentation better when it was my turn.

Then, she called my name.

As I took my place in the front of the room, I knew the presentation would not exactly match what I had originally sent her, but I believed it to be for the better, as I had now incorporated the feedback she had given to other speakers. As I finished up my 10 minutes, I braced myself for what she had to say. And it was a good thing I did - as I'll never forget the first words out of her mouth. It went a little something like this:

Well, I see that you've done something completely different from what you sent in. And thank goodness because what you sent was quite dreadful. At least what you did today was better - but just barely.

Now, I had a choice, I could put my defenses up, argue with her, try to explain why she was wrong or simply shut down. But instead, I took a deep breath, relaxed my face and simply said - or should I say begged - "Help me!!!"

And help me she did. Everything from how I stand, to how I move, to what I do with my hands, to the cadence of my voice, to engaging the audience, to improving the layout of my speech, to developing better content, to staying true to the message and topic that I am so passionate about (helping people live a radical life).

What about you? If you want to go for greatness, you've got to be prepared to feel the heat. The heat of someone criticizing you. The heat of someone not liking what you're trying to do. The heat of failure. The heat of disappointments. The heat of someone really wanting to help you if you would only let them.

I thank Patricia for her honesty, her expertise, and her desire to help make me great. I got 200% better at my profession having spent those 2 days with her. And looking back, I'm really proud of myself. For that was the day I realized that yes - I can handle the heat.

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Doreen Rainey is a Life Coach and Speaker who helps her clients Get RADICAL!

For a FREE 30 day membership to RadicalLifestyle.com or to subscribe to her bi-weekly newsletter, visit her website.

Join Doreen in the Washington, DC area for the 2010 Get RADICAL Women's Conference featuring Jillian Michaels, Fitness Training from The Biggest Loser.

Overcoming Incredible Odds

I've just started reading a book called Mentored By a Millionaire by Steven K. Scott. And while I haven't finished it (so I'm not fully recommending it!!), the beginning of the book shares stories of some of the challenges successful people have had to overcome to reach their goals. Here a couple of examples from the book, along with a couple of my own.

After graduating number 299 out of 301 students, this man went on to flunk out of college after getting a track scholarship. Challenged by his mom's several suicide attempts, many had written him off as someone who wouldn't amount to much. Yet, this man went on to become one of the most successful actor, writer, and director in the history of television. Who is it? Michael Landon.

After dropping out of school in the 8th grade, he never got to read the school physic books that said it was impossible to make a radio small enough to fit into a car. He went on to invent the first car radio, the autopilot system, the 8-track recording cartridge, and proved the experts wrong when they said it was no market for small corporate jets - and he made a lot of money proving them wrong. Ever hear of Lear Jets? That would all be due to the man who did all of this: Bill Lear.

What about the boy who followed in his father's professional footsteps? After graduating with honors from Princeton University and the Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons, where he received his MD, he returned home to the University of Colorado for his residency in Internal Medicine. Then, in a move that shocked patients and parents alike, he quit his job as a doctor and moved out to Hollywood to pursue stand up comedy. He has never looked back. After lots of success on the comedy circuit, he's now the "Go To Guy" as a host on the #1 show on the Style Network - Clean House. He also hosts a spin-off show called Clean House Comes Clean that is the #2 show on the network. Who is it? Matt Iseman.

A young woman was born to drug addicted parents who were both HIV positive. When her mother died when she was 16, her father moved to a homeless shelter, leaving her alone and homeless. Starting high school later than most students, she remained without a stable home while supporting herself and her sister. Overcoming incredible odds, she received a scholarship from the New York Times to Harvard University. She is now a successful speaker and workshop leader and has been featured on ABC News 20/20, Good Morning America, the Today Show, CNN, and written up in The New York Times, People magazine as well as numerous other media outlets. She has authored advice columns in the New York Times Upfront Magazine. Who is she? Liz Murray

So what about you? What incredible odds do you need to overcome to make your goals and dreams a reality? Have people written you off ? Are you in a career that's not your true calling? Have you had to deal with financial troubles, lack of education, a career change, toxic relationships, bad marriage, abusive parents, or fear? Whatever the obstacle, why not find a way around it, over it, or through it - dealing with it once and for all?

Because just the like the people above, you CAN overcome incredible odds.

Going Through the Motions

I listened to a song today that I've heard many times over the last several months, yet I never really paid attention to the words. Until today. One of the lines really stuck out to me:

"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"

What a great question!

I once heard Oprah say that many people are living an unconscious life. That's what "going through the motions" means to me. Day in and day out. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. All of it runs together. Have we gotten into such a routine, such a rut, that we look up one day and wonder "where did my life go?"

Of course we have dreams. Of course we have goals. Of course we have things we want to accomplish. Of course we make plans to do things that make us feel alive. Of course we want to experience all that life has to offer. But then comes work, long commutes, paying bills, and plain old lack of energy.

But "what if you give everything instead of going through the motions?"

If you are feeling that you are just going through the motions...the good news is that you can make a change. Just imagine.

Imagine if you went to work with a renewed excitement to do your job better. To focus on fostering relationships with other coworkers and being more engaged. To do what it takes to get ahead, make a real contribution, and have a serious impact on the success of your company. Imagine if you look for other opportunities - both inside and out of your company - that's more in line with what you ultimately want to do with your career.

Imagine what life could be like if you stopped being on automatic pilot when you got home in the evening - cooking dinner, dealing with the kids and watching TV. What if you tried a new recipe, spent quality time with your children - refusing to give in to video games, the Internet, or the TV (several years ago, we got rid of every TV in the house for almost a year).

Imagine if you set fear aside and did the things that you long to do. What could your life be like if you let your heart pound and your hands get sweaty, but went ahead and did it anyway (whatever your "it" is).

Imagine if you made your health, and the health of your family, your number one priority. Refusing to be swayed by easy, cheap meals or unhealthy snacks. Imagine if you went to bed early so you could exercise in the morning. Imagine if you skipped the local sandwich shop for lunch and went for a walk instead.

Imagine if you cut out time wasting activities and reconnected with your hobbies - the very things that bring you pure joy. Those hobbies where you lose track of time because you are truly loving what you are doing. Is it crafts, scrapbooking, baking, sewing, photography, collecting wine, doing home improvement projects, fishing, gardening, painting, or writing?

In this day and age, it takes a real effort to give everything and NOT just go through the motions. But what if you didn't just imagine what life could be - but you actually begin living it.

Here's hoping that you do!

Another RADICAL Moment - In the Sky

As someone who promotes living a RADICAL lifestyle, it's no secret that I don't mind stepping outside of my comfort zone. Adventurous and curious by nature, I love to learn and experience new things.

Knowing this, my hubby planned a secret adventure for me today. Without a clue as to where we were headed, I was surprised, when after an hour of driving, our car turned into a private airport in Leesburg, VA. Getting out the car, I figured we were going to do an aerial tour of the Washington, DC area. Imagine my shock when after we checked in, the woman behind the desk asked which of us would be flying the plane today!

That's when my hubby pointed to me.

After a short lesson on using the instruments and going through the pre-flight checklist, I settled into the cockpit of a 4-seater plane with my co-pilot, Kelly (pictured on the right). In minutes, we were headed for the runway!

With my hubby in the back row, we hit the throttle and headed skyward.

Let me tell you, the takeoff was shaky! I thought I was going to hyperventilate as I tried to control the nose of the plane, but Kelly remained calm and talked me through it. After about 10 minutes, I was able to somewhat, kinda, sorta, relax as we flew out to West Virginia. But just when I thought I had gotten into the swing of things, Kelly asked if I wanted to turn upside down. Now, there's RADICAL, and then there's stupid. I told her unless she wanted to see me throw up, we need to stay upright. However, I did do a 360 turn with the plan almost on its side. That was enough tricks for me.

After almost an hour in the air, we headed back. Thankfully, Kelly handled the landing.

So what about you? What RADICAL adventures are you having in life? Are you flying high with advancing your career, furthering your education, taking that vacation of a lifetime, going scuba diving, starting your own business, asking for a raise, leaving your dead-end job, or simply getting in the cockpit of a plane?

Whatever you do...make it RADICAL.

Tips for Starting a Consulting Practice

I can't take credit for the following information. I came across it on the consultant's discussion forum on SHRM. I think it's great advice for anyone looking to start their own consulting practice (or coaching, training, etc).

This was written by D. Kevin Berchelmann, President, CEO and principal consultant at Triangle Performance (with a little help from other posters). A highly acclaimed strategist and thought leader in executive and organization performance, he focuses on executive teambuilding, strategy development and compensation, individualized coaching, performance improvement, and retention.

Let me know if you agree, disagree, or have more to add.

Tips for Starting a Consulting Business

1. Clients first. Nothing else matters until you've got revenue. Hold off on spending any money on anything else until you have ONE paying client. The rest of this advice is for AFTER that client is on board.

2. Web presence. Ditch the local Internet provider, AOL, or Yahoo as your e-mail address and get your own domain. Purchase and hosting will cost less than a month on AOL. Besides, you can't sell professionalism from "consultant@yahoo.com." You just can't. Start with a simple web page or two, then build over time, as expertise, comfort and business builds.

3. Paper. Buy the BEST business cards and letterhead you can afford. Scrimp somewhere else, not here. It matters. Don't print them on your computer, and don't design them yourself. Hire a designer and have them professionally printed. Trust me, it does matter.

4. Network. Contact everyone you know -- even slightly -- and tell them what you are doing. No need to sell THEM, they now know; ask them for help, to refer someone they know who might need your services. And when you go talk to that person, ask them the same question. Networking is dynamic and iterative. You have to stay on it incessantly.

5. Be prepared to tell people "what you do." I'm not a believer in this "elevator speech" business, but you do need to be able to explain to someone who asks what you do, without taking 10 minutes to do it. Say your piece as quickly as possible, then ask about THEM, with lots of follow-up questions, since...

6. ...Remember, "it ain't about you." No one really cares about your background, credentials, prior VP jobs, or Mensa membership. They care about WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM. That's it. The rest may -- later -- help with credibility when selling big dollars, but it won't get you in the dance to begin with.

7. Invest in technology. Laptops, smartphones/blackberry, good cellphones/service, reliable ISPs, etc. If you look and act cheap, you will be cheap. Can't separate the two; and you’ll need the additional help that effective technology provides independent consultants.

8. Write. Articles, books, white papers, surveys. Do it all the time; always have one or more in the works. Research (learn and use Google constantly), interviews, and put YOUR OWN STUFF in there so potential clients can get a feel for "who you are." A reality -- you cannot be all things to all people, so don't even try. Make it clear who you are and why you're different. Be a contrarian, over-principled, contra-culture, whatever... just take real stands on things that matter to potential markets.

9. Meet other consultants, and help them freely whenever possible.

10. Self assess constantly. Consulting is hard work, but potentially lucrative financially, personally, and professionally. But it's not for everyone, and you need to make sure it's "for you." No shame if not, but considering the diverse effort it takes to be successful, it would be folly to try if you weren't having fun.

11. Remember that consulting is the means to an end. You are a unique individual who consults, not a consultant who has other interests. Make sure that consulting is not your "whole life."

12. Too many consultants work too hard and charge too little. Don't be afraid to raise your fees. You're delivering a service that hopefully has far-reaching value for the client. It's important to help them see it. Besides, it's not good to be known as the "cheap alternative to xxx."

13. Work with clients that are interesting and challenging. Don't take on a difficult client because you need the cash. It's a recipe for disaster.

14. Another note on networking...speak to every community group that will have you. Rotary, Lions, Kiwanis, etc. all have weekly or monthly meetings and are scratching to fill speaker slots.

15. SWOT yourself every year. Assess the environmental factors to figure out what you should be doing that you're not doing and what you need to stop doing. Another step in the self-development path.

16. Don't be afraid to take risks. The worst that can happen is you might lose some money and have a little embarrassment. So what? Risk-taking is what will propel you to the next level of success.

17. Have an informal board of advisers or some other entity or group of individuals that you can call on for advice, whether as a group or individually. Sometimes when you're in the thick of something, it's hard to see all the angles and make sound decisions.

18. Be gracious, generous and full of gratitude. Allow other people to make soft landings when they err. Be generous in praise for others. Give generously to your favorite charities, both with time and money. Express gratitude to those who have helped you become successful and who have been supportive of your endeavors.

19. And you can't say this enough.... Have fun, do good things, and make money. Done correctly – and successfully -- consulting is a great way of life.

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Doreen Rainey is a Professional Life Coach and Speaker who helps her clients Get RADICAL! To subscribe to her bi-weekly newsletter and receive 7 RADICAL Tips, visit her website. For a FREE 30-day membership to her RadicalLifestyle.com coaching program, click here.

De-Motivate Yourself

As someone who likes to see the glass half full and believes that dreams can come true, I couldn't help but laugh at those who insist on giving me a dose of reality! I hope you enjoy these "motivational" posters as much as I did!

Bumpy Ride or Smooth Sailing?

Is your life a smooth ride or a bit bumpy? One way to find out is to complete the Wheel of Life.

This is one of the initial exercises I ask my clients to complete when we begin coaching. While it's a short exercise, it’s a powerful way to give you a visual snapshot of how satisfied you are with where you are. The results give you a vivid visual representation of the way your life is currently, compared with the way you would ideally like it to be.

You'll be asked to rate 8 areas of your life:

• Career
• Money
• Health
• Friends/Family
• Significant Other/Relationship
• Personal Growth
• Fun/Recreation
• Physical Environment

If you want to see how bumpy or smooth your life ride is right now, do the exercise. But remember, the key is to be 100% honest with yourself and rate your level of satisfaction, right now, with where you are today and NOT where you want to be.

The information from this short exercise provides a wealth of information. It helps you see where you are and prioritize what you want to change. You can see where you may be out of balance or areas of your life you have been ignoring for one reason or another. Using this information, my clients and I decide what area(s) we want to focus on first.

So go ahead...take a few minutes and complete the wheel. Once done, you can see how smooth, or bumpy, your wheel is. You'll also get some tips on how to deal with the areas that need your attention.

Be sure to leave a comment and let me know what you learned!

Wheel Of Life Exercise

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Doreen Rainey is a Professional Life Coach and Speaker who helps her clients Get RADICAL! To subscribe to her bi-weekly newsletter and receive 7 RADICAL Tips, visit her website. For a FREE 30-day membership to her RadicalLifestyle.com coaching program, click here.